How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
