I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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