apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
the raccoons are back...
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