I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
