My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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