Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So vagazzling was a success
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
