I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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