I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
