You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
