Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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