Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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