so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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