We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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