mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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