i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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