The best revenge is premature balding
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
