C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
