remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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