i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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