So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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