thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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