saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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