I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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