omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
