Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
