Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Found the puke drawer
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
