oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
