Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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