All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
