:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
