just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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