it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
