try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
