I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
