just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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