please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
