He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Im part way to drunk.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
