You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
