He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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