I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
