I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
