Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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