Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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