why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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