i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
