you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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