Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
