you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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