Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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