I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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