i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
