We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
