Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
