i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
