I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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