took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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