I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
