At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
