He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
