I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
