Where did you get a picture of my penis
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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