wat bout pragnant strippers??
i need an iv and a liver transplant
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
